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NPB Peoms

Target Weight: Nine Stone Ten

Written to commemorate Denise becoming
'Slimmer of the Week' on the first week of her diet.

---

She's got oodles of cellulite, layers of fat,
If she sat on your lap, you'd end up squashed flat.
Her legs are like tree trunks, her arms are the same.
For her, even standing up is a strain.

She's got a reinforced bed and reinforced chairs,
There's permanent scaffolding to hold up the stairs.
She can't stop eating, there's nothing she doesn't like
And her bathroom scales have all come out on strike.

Whenever she moves, the earth starts shaking,
Walls start to warp and windows start breaking.
In Sumo wrestling, she's never met defeat
And she doesn't use laces, 'cause she can't see her feet.

Now, none of the above applies to Denise
Who walks four hundred miles a week, if you please,
But it serves as a warning, of what might have been
If the slimmer of the week hadn't been Denise Green.


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