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NPB Peoms

Target Weight Revisited

Written at very short notice for Denise's birthday as nobody told me until the day in question.


Well, Denise, the plan almost worked -
The whole evening shift kept schtum.
I thought they were all working reet hard
But no! They'd just been struck dumb.

You thought of all the things I'd put in a poem,
You panicked, you expected the worst.
You knew I'd manage to put Jacob in
And his brother Esau - Esau 'em first.

There'd obviously be jokes about slimming -
The balloon you were, the broomstick you are now.
And of course, I'd have to mention your age
And get a telegram from the Queen in somehow.

I'd bring up disgusting courgette soup,
Which, after all, is all it's good for,
And I'd have to talk about plenty of fish pies
Which I bet you don't want mentioned any more.

There'd be your famous repeating burger -
Twelve meals out of the original one,
And your seventy-five foreign holidays a year
To almost everywhere under the sun.

Yes, Denise, the plan almost worked -
You almost missed out on the shame,
But there's one thing you'll have to remember -
'Last' and 'minute' are my middle names!

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