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NPB Peoms

My Brief Limerick Phase

If multiplication makes your heart sink
Just let Janine have a think -
Test her and you'll find
She's got a calculator mind
Which unfortunately is always on the blink!

There was a young woman called Dawn,
A sensitive thing you'd have sworn
But after having seen
Her flash parts obscene
You'd think she was working in porn!

My favourite subject, Eileen
Has a passion for food you'll have seen.
So often her feet
Take to crossing the street
They've earned her the name 'Burger Queen'!

The courier, Nick, you'll have heard
Sells numerous items absurd,
But by some strange token
They all seem to be broken
As all of his customers concurred.

Young Lee's the unhappiest of men.
His car broke down, you see, then
He went to see Austin
And found it would cost him
His job if it happened again!

A sticky problem had our Denise -
She found all her dresses a squeeze.
Now she swears by her diet
Because she's lost* by it
A stone in two months, if you please.

II or: A stone but it's sunk to her knees.
III or: The ability to float in the breeze. (* - gained)
IV or: A stone, and another three pounds, please

She comes from a big family does Tanya
Who've never heard of a family planya.
She'll be trying for her second
Of seventeen, we've reckoned -
I bet you can't outdo Tanya, canya?

There was a young woman called Michaela
Who, at staying at work, was a failure,
But she's not too thick
So she'll soon be back on sick
Earning so much money it'd pale ya.

Too much talking had them agreeing
Lisa had to be moved to another machine,
But with NPB logic
Alison bodged it
And sat her opposite Eileen!

There once was a courier called Nick,
An entrepreneur who never missed a trick
But he was always in trouble -
He looks like Barney Rubble
And I bet you thought the last line'd be sick!

This is a limerick about Alison
Who runs the NPB garrison.
I'm sure you'll have seen
She thinks she's the Queen,
So when the 'phone rings it'll be Buckingham Palace on!

Our dotty supervisor, Janine
Fantasises about some old hasbeen.
In her dreams she picks
Up David Essex
And then they... no, the last line's obscene!


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