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NPB Peoms

The Ballad of the NPB Pay Rise

Those poor downtrodden peasants who slave for hours at NPB
Who work their fingers to the bone and get paid in misery,
They've been pleading for a pay rise since 1634:
For mortgages and food and clothes they need a little more.

Realistically they knew they had a snowball's chance in Hell
For the Boss just bought a caravan and an E-type Jag as well.
But the Muppets caused a fuss and the Office Manager was forced to say,
"Take a deep breath and brace yourselves - there's a pay rise on the way."

There was a widespread plague of disbelief, and everyone forgot their batch -
They were too busy in contemplation, trying to find the catch.
Everybody was working out how to spend it, whether in the front or in the back -
They thought, "Well, Hal can buy a few more books and Eileen a few more snacks."

"Janine a few more fancy puddings - on her wage that's all she needs,
And Nick a few thousand videos, from a dodgy character in Leeds.
Andy and Lee can stay in sausage hot pots for at least the next couple of years,
And on October 20th, everybody else can afford a few more beers.

Well, when the shock finally wore off, the details all came out -
The rise was only on merit, so surely some would get nowt.
And if anyone was indiscreet and blabbed about their rise,
The Spanish Inquisition would burn out both their eyes.

And everybody's wage would now be under periodical review,
So misbehave or cause a fuss and you'll lose a tenner or two.
Well, Kevin would say the moral is pretty plain to see -
"Be bad and you know where the door is, be good and you'll do all right by me!"


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